Category Archives: RELATIONSHIPS

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What does a healthy relationship feel like?

Category : RELATIONSHIPS

What does a healthy relationship feel like? in tune, relaxed, and just plain fun. But most of us are in an entanglement. A relationship is one in which both people are free to be themselves, yet there is no shortage of intimacy. No fear that doing what you love or being who you are or taking time for yourself will drive the other person away.

In a relationship, neither person needs the other to “complete” them. Both people are awake to themselves, their feelings and thoughts, and are open to the flow of love and attention with one another.

It’s about two equals celebrating together rather than “needing” something from the other.

Entanglements look and feel very different.

Signs You’re In An Entanglement

Entanglements may look like a relationship on the surface. You might spend a lot of time together, you’ve met each other’s friends and family, and people refer to you as a “couple.”

But you’re not having a real relationship – at least not one that is characterized by love and harmony. Entanglements masquerading as real relationships look like:

1. You keep having the same issues

When you find yourself having the same old argument with your partner for the umpteenth time, that’s a pretty good sign you’re likely in an entanglement.

2. You don’t feel safe or understood

One of the clearest signs of entanglement is that it is hard for one person to let the other person feel his or her feelings and tell the truth about them. Entanglements feel like you have to shut down a part of yourself. If you’re feeling like your partner just doesn’t get you, and that you’re not free to say exactly what’s on your mind, you know you’re not in a real relationship.

3. Someone always needs to be right

In a real relationship, each person is “awake” to his or her role in a problem, and the priority for both is growth. Entanglements are characterized by power struggles. Both people are vying for the title of victim, thus making the other the perpetrator. Nobody ever wins.

4. It’s just so hard

If you’re feeling drained with your partner, you’re likely caught up in an entanglement. In a harmonious relationship, both people take responsibility for any issues that arise, and they come up with creative solutions that further add to the positive feelings they share.

This month after many conversations on the topic – It dawned on me! The real issue of most is not knowing what a healthy relationship feel and look like. Therefore we keep re-enacting unhealthy dynamics we learned from our families or staying entangled for simply not knowing how it feels to be in harmony. Hence why I’m so grateful to Katie and Gay Hendrick’s work.

I’m baffled with how much time we waste with the wrong people and worst, how we tend to cave in out of habit. And when something better comes along we’re so used to entanglements – we cant’ recognized a when a healthier relationships knocks on our door nor free ourselves to experience what we deserve.

I hope you identify where you stand and make the choice to create a real joyful relationship and break away from the habits that keep you entangled.

Zulmarie Padín empowers millions of Hispanics with her TV segments in Despierta America via Univision and every Tuesday in Un Nuevo Dia which also airs nationally via Telemundo. Her laser coaching helps you change in minutes what you haven’t accomplished in years. Feel stuck? talk to her via phone or videocall to find the clarity you need to create what you want and have powerful results. To follow her conversation link to http://about.me/zulmarie


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What do men really want?

Category : RELATIONSHIPS

desire

What men really desire and want from women? Listen Women: if there’s one thing you’d like it’s a man that’s romantic and passionate. A confident guy that really goes after you and shows it. The shocker: MEN like the exact same from women.

Why wouldn’t guys like to be desired, appreciated, and courted? We ask so much of men – pursue me, risk my rejection, prove your long-term interest. In our minds, we think we can offer #sex in return – the timeless exchange of sex for resources – and our job is done.

The Last Psychiatrist in his rebuke to Lori Gottlieb’s book about settling, said:

You want something uplifting, so here you go: you can never have a good relationship with anyone when your focus is the relationship. There’s a human being there who existed well before you got to them, and they weren’t built for you or your needs or your future dreams as an actor.  If you want to be happy with someone then your body and mind have to instinctively adapt to their happiness.  If you’re not ready for this kind of sacrifice, then you’re simply not ready

Uhmmm…The Challenge:

1. Women understand, rightly or wrongly, that aggressive communication of desire is the most important female behavior in the hookup toolkit, and therefore reserved for the promiscuous girl.

2. A woman’s direct confession that she thinks a man is hot is likely to get her pushed up against the back wall for some serious making out, at the very least. To avoid this kind of misunderstanding women are reticent about expressing attraction, for fear of initiating an escalation they don’t want.

3. Women perceive that guys would prefer a hookup to a relationship so they play it cool to save face, and maximize their appeal.

What are some of the most effective ways that you can express a romantic and passionate interest in a man?

1. Let him know that you find him sexually desirable.

Jesus Mahoney addressed this brilliantly:
Strong and intelligent are good qualities, but I think above all, men want the women they’re with to be sexually attracted to them. Friendship is a great part of a relationship, but if you’re not tingling for him, then the man is going to know it and be unhappy.

A key insight:
I was asked what was the most important thing I looked for in a relationship & I said ‘bottomless desire” and he said “bottomless desire”

Many men’s deepest need is to feel desired to the extent that they feel desire for the woman they fall in love with. Because men, as a rule, feel sexual desire much more acutely than women, their experience of that need being met is very rare.

Men don’t fantasize about a handsome prince & a big wedding & a high-status steadfast provider for their children. But they do dream about a woman they will burn with in mutual desire for all eternity.

2. Provide real, nurturing affection and physical contact.

Athol Kay during his Girl Game series, wrote Touch is Love:
Most men are never routinely touched by anyone other than during handshakes, doctor visits or getting punched – playfully or otherwise. Even hugs from your mom tend to vanish at some point midway through childhood.

The other way men get physically touched is through sex. Half the reason men automatically think that getting touched by a woman is a direct line to the bedroom, is that all too often that’s the only time they get physically touched. A decent part of the reason men want sex is simply to get physically touched.

…So touch him. Rub his back a little. Cuddle. Kiss. Do whatever incidental touch you can.

3. Understand that men prize loyalty and faithfulness.

David Buss wrote about fidelity in The Evolution of Desire:
For American men, faithfulness and sexual loyalty are the most important of 67 desirability traits.

“Men worldwide want physically attractive, young, and sexually loyal wives who will remain faithful to them until death.”
These preferences are universal across all cultures and absent in none.

What do men really want? Devotion. Therefore, if women want a man to continue to consider them as a potential mate without displaying their devotion to him through sexual intimacy, they will have to keep his interest by displaying their devotion to him through other behaviors.

In short, if you can’t keep men interested in being around you without being sexually intimate with them, the problem is not with the men.

4. Communicate that you appreciate, admire and respect him.

The Rawness wrote this about how to be the perfect woman:

Even the men who appear the strongest secretly have a fragile ego. One of the biggest secrets men have is how delicate our egos are. If you publicly build up your man’s ego, whether in front of his friends, family or even total strangers, he will think you’re the most wonderful woman in the world. Yet feminism and the media has given woman some strange mental block about this, as if doing so is some admission of weakness on their part.

ZulmariePadín empowers millions of viewers via Univision with her national TV segment in Despierta America. Her laser coaching changes in minutes what you haven’t accomplished in years. Recognized as the coach for #Career #Success her new project unveils what modern women need to know to find true  #Love